Fathers see bill as chance for equal time with kids

Today is Mother's Day, which is usually a bigger deal in many households than Father's Day, which comes next month.

But some fathers in Wisconsin are tired of being slighted - particularly by the courts. They are upset about too frequently being on the losing side when it comes to child custody or placement issues even after they have been found willing and capable of sharing the load.

Basically, they say, if you're a good father who wants to spend more time with your kids but don't have a great relationship with your child's mother, you are often forced to accept an unequal arrangement.

"It's almost like when you want to do the right thing, it's the wrong thing," said Richard Badger, a Milwaukee father who supports a bill before the Legislature asking for equal placement of children in custody battles between parents.

The so-called equal placement bill, sponsored by Rep. Donald Pridemore (R-Hartford), was designed to deal with what many fathers say is a judicial preference toward mothers in most custody battles.

Badger, an African-American with four children, has dealt with numerous custody issues with his ex-wife. He said the situation was frustrating for many men and the proposed legislation would be an important step toward resolving serious weaknesses in the system.

Badger said it also was an important way to start allowing estranged fathers to build better relationships with their children after a divorce or separation. He suggested some court officials didn't acknowledge the degree to which some children were alienated from their fathers because of negative influences from the mother.

"Sometimes courts don't take that into consideration that the father is constantly bad-mouthed in the home," he said.

Mario R. Hall, a business consultant in Milwaukee, testified in Madison in favor of Pridemore's bill a few weeks ago. Hall, an African-American, told me he wanted to spend more time with his two daughters by his former wife but has been frustrated by a system that seemed to automatically grant the mother more privileges.

He has had difficulties maintaining contact with his girls and is planning to seek an attorney to help navigate the system.

To him, the most important thing is that his daughters get equal support from two caring parents.

"Why shouldn't children have the best of both worlds?" he asked.

The bill would require the court to consider a 50/50 child placement arrangement at the start of any child custody case, in essence placing both parents on equal ground.

If information was provided to prove that one parent was not able to meet required standards, then the custody arrangement could be modified.

That sounds pretty reasonable, but according to some father support groups that support the bill, it's not the way things stand today.

Changes needed
Steve Blake, president of Dads of Wisconsin, a nonprofit group that lobbies for more parental rights for fathers, said laws needed to be adjusted to give capable fathers a chance.

Blake, a white divorced father of three children, said Wisconsin fathers of all races face the same dilemma of trying to fight for more time with their children.

"I can't do all the things I want to do as a father with just 28 hours a week," Blake said. He also has problems with the language used in child custody cases.

"It's called 'visitation,' " he said. "Why do you need to visit with your own children?"
I've written about this issue in the past and what's clear is most times fathers - particularly African-American fathers - always seem to get a bad rap for not being present in the lives of their children.

Anyone with real-life experience knows it's often not that cut and dried.

Badger recently appeared on black radio in Milwaukee to discuss the equal placement bill and heard from some callers who suggested African-American fathers didn't deserve to share custody with their children's mother because they lacked proper parenting skills.

Badger found that attitude dismaying.

"Don't people realize that the reason some men are bad fathers is because they never had a father in their lives? We should be encouraging them, not making it harder," he said.

"Most of the negative social indicators in the community - crime, teen pregnancy, poverty - they come from not having a father in the home."

It's been my experience that Mother's Day is much more cherished than Father's Day, in the black community in particular, largely because of the large number of households led by single women who have raised their children basically alone.

But men who want to be more involved with their children say the system too often treats them as less important than the mothers.

All of the men interviewed about this issue insisted they appreciated the role the mothers play in their children's lives.

It's just that they want to prove some fathers are willing and able to share the burden.